Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
