im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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