And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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