i would punch a child for taco bell
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
