I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No subtext here. People are naked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
