"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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