Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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