so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The Olympian is in my bed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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