Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
