yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
