shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
