His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
