Yo dont text me then not text me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm bleeding and have questions
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