I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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