Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
