You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
