just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
