Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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