He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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