nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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