he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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