New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
