girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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