we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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