how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
