my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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