the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
