She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sext me about skeletons
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
