Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
