2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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