Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
