Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
