So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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