I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When did angry sex become our thing?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
