it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
