i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
