WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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