Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
COCAINE IS GR8
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