i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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