My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
