Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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