Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to calm my uterus...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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