It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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