ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
These tits shall not be calmed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
