dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
