guys are not supposed to queef...right?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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