quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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