i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
