finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
