Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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