Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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