Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
