everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
