she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
