I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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