Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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