I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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