worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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